(MUSIC: "TEENAGE ALIEN NATION")
# I want it all
# No matter what you thought you heard me say
# No matter what you know You can't escape today
# Is there any other way?
# Forget about tomorrow
# You and me we're going down in sorrow
# Youth of the nation going nowhere
# Station to station
# Teenage alien nation, whoa
# Teenage alien nation, yeah... #
S-A-T.
Suck-Ass Test. That's what that stands for.
This is the SAT1 examination.
For the first section you have 30 minutes.
Last year, two million kids took the Suck-Ass Test
in order to get to college.
Scores ranged from 500, you're going to community college riding a bus,
to 1600, you're lvy League driving a Porsche.
It's a standardised test, "standardised" meaning they see us all the same.
A kid is a kid is a kid.
Take this kid, for instance, Kyle.
He's a good guy who knows where he wants to go in life,
but for now the SAT's standing in the way of Kyle's dream.
It's telling him, "You're just..."
(PING!)
Time.
# Forget about tomorrow
# You and me we're going down in sorrow... #
Then there's Anna, the overachiever. You know the type.
A future PhD with a nice A-S-S.
Good deeds, good grades, but the SAT doesn't care about that.
You could be the class brain, a kid in the middle or dumb as a post.
When you walk into this room, it's not about who you are.
The SAT is about who you'll be.
#... alien nation, whoa
# Teenage alien nation, yeah #
(CHEEP, CHEEP)
It's a 1020, Mr Dooling.
(SOUND OF BOMB DROPPING)
Well, I've seen worse.
I need a 1430. I've applied to Cornell.
(SNIGGERS) Erm...
What are your fallback schools?
- I don't have any. - (CHEEP)
It's kinda risky, isn't it?
I'm looking at your file here, and while your GPA is strong,
your PSAT score wasn't so great.
Don't you think that 1430 is a little bit...
Mr Dooling, when I was seven, I built a log cabin out of Popsicle sticks.
Five of the first six kids you talk to
are not gonna have a clue what they wanna do with their lives.
I've known since I was seven.
I wanna be an architect.
As soon as I realised there's one school that turns out the greatest architects,
I've wanted to go there.
- Cornell University. - Cornell?
The guy who designed our bus barn,
he attended a community college just down the street.
(CHEEP)
Dooling said you couldn't do it?
That's Matty, Kyle's right-hand man.
They say misery loves company. Well, it really loves Matty.
He said standardised testing says I can't do it.
You're down to a 1020? Jesus! That's almost as bad as me, man.
- What'd you tell your parents? - What do you think?
We've never been so proud, son.
It's good.
143. That's what I scored. Remember, Mom?
Well, look at the positives. At least one of us is going to college.
Hello, Maryland.
Matty's girlfriend Sandy is a freshman at Maryland,
and he was now moments away from hooking up with her in the fall.
- Open the letter, Matty. - Yeah, you're right.
Why should the fact that you're screwed ruin my big day?
Oh, shit!
SAT score insufficient!
This shit ain't fair. Sandy's gonna be crushed.
Do you even know what SAT stands for?
- Suck-Ass Test? - Scholastic Aptitude Test.
Then they got rid of that. Know what it stands for now?
SAT.
- What? - SAT stands for SAT. That's it.
- That's fucked up. - Yeah, I know.
Sever All Ties. SAT.
I may as well sever all ties with Sandy. There's gotta be somebody to talk to.
- There's no one we can talk to? - All the kids wanna go up to ETS.
If one goes up, they all go up.
What about her?
Unless your father owns the building...
- We'll take the test again. - It's in two weeks.
There's no time to get ready, and even if there was, what's gonna change?
I'd better call Sandy.
She's gonna love this.
(BO Y) Yeah, Sandy's room.
- Some guy answered. - Room-mate's boyfriend.
- He said, "Sandy's room." - So?
So, her room-mate's Pam. He'd say Pam's room, not Sandy's room.
- Pam's room. Pam! - All right, Matty.
- You're wired. It's the Red Bull. - No.
The SAT did this. The SAT is pimping out my girlfriend.
Damn it!
We gotta do something. They're messing with our lives.
The college board made millions of dollars last year.
- You think they give a shit about us? - Hear me out. I'm not a dumb guy.
I know things. Ask me who's got the best pitching staff in baseball.
Or ask me how to rebuild a carburettor on a '71 Buick.
- Ask me what icing is, for Christ's sake. - Make the point.
Where the hell's that on the test? You learn the rest in college.
I show up for a job interview with a science geek and a math nerd.
Who's gonna get the job? The guy who can throw down at the water cooler.
The guy who yakked in your Cutlass after the Radiohead show.
- Me. That's me. I get the job. - I'm still seeing no point.
The point is that they are not playing fair. Why should we?
We know where the answers are. ETS.
Maybe we should borrow them.
You wanna steal the answers to the SAT?
You have a talent. What you can do with a pencil and paper, I could never do.
- But you're never gonna pass. - A lot of kids struggle.
- That doesn't justify thievery. - No?
Did you see my dad's truck in the driveway?
It's the one with the large crapper on top of it.
It doesn't say, "Matthews Septic" on it.
It says, "Matthews & Son Septic" on it.
If I don't get into Maryland, my life is shit. Literally.
And it's not even my own shit.
Kyle. Dude, check this out.
Listen. This is great. Watch this.
- (STRUMS BADLY) - Woo-woo!
Whoo... wahoo...!
Thank you, Princeton, New Jersey!
"Smoke On The Water". (MAKES HOOTER SOUND)
You hear that?
I'm worried about you, Kyle.
You're gonna try to regain this lost youth and head into a shit-pit.
That what you're doing? Living at home, jamming with the dryer?
I don't live at home. I live above the garage. It's a whole separate dwelling.
I've got my own phone line.
Hey, honey. Wanna help me grade assignments?
- We're teaching the kids to bubble in. - First graders?
Most of these kids can't even read yet.
Well, I hate to say it,
but there's more money for the school in bubbling in than reading these days.
Now he gets it.
Just follow the money.
Standardised testing is taking over,
and it starts long before high school.
Test scores go up, the schools get more cash.
In some cases, even the teachers get paid.
It's enough to piss you off.
I mean, when you get the feeling that everything's slipping away,
that you're gonna be left behind,
desperate times call for desperate measures.
- (PANTS) - (THUNDER)
Hey, Matty, if you wanted to borrow the answers, how would you do it?
The girl at ETS, the one the guard let pass...
...you recognise her?
Francesca Curtis.
The web-page girl?
Francesca Curtis.
Talk about your forbidden fruit.
Hey.
Do you guys know the name of that kid with the Percocet addiction?
No? No?
If you have something for my page, write it down and slip it in my locker.
Get back to you. If you don't know where it is, you're in way over your heads.
Actually, we had something else in mind.
(CHEERING)
So you guys are gonna steal the SAT answers?
You should. It's anti-girl, it's anti... a lot of shit, but it definitely has girl issues.
It underscores us on the math and verbal.
The college board settled a complaint that the PSAT had a testicle bias.
So you'll help us, then?
- Um... No. - Why not?
You and Dawson can't pull it off. Do you have a plan?
We're working on it.
OK. You're wasting my time.
Don't you find it ridiculous that they tell us to be unique, to be individuals,
then they give us a standardised test that makes us all one faceless herd?
(ALL) Desmond Rhodes, superstar!
Wait. $100 million a year, probably 60 million of that from girls alone,
to pick up a few stones to throw at a bully that doesn't fight fair?
How many girls are gonna get screwed by this test?
What's that gonna do to their self-esteem, on top of everything else?
- You're preaching to the converted. - I know.
That's why we approached you. We need your help.
What the hell? It sounds like fun.
I told you.
(CHANT) Desmond Rhodes, superstar!
Desmond Rhodes, All-City, but his grades are shitty.
What do you think?
I look good in red. I was thinking a Philadelphia 76ers red, though.
Is that why you haven't taken the SATs yet, the pros?
Maybe.
- May I speak honestly? - Please, I wish you would.
Des, I want you to come to St John's,
because the fact of the matter is, your game is not ready.
If you come with me, I'll do everything in my power to get you to the NBA.
But if, God forbid, you don't make it,
you're gonna have a degree in one hand and be prepared for life after basketball.
Now, you see, that's what I'm talking about.
- So where do we go from here? - Well, that's up to you.
You know, your grade point average is a little bit on the low end for St John's,
but we can work with that.
What you need is 900 or better on the SATs.
- Hey, Matty, don't freak out, OK? - About what?
- Just don't. - I won't. What's up?
What are you doing?
You remember the photographer at the game,
the girl on the baseline?
- You told Anna Ross?! - You said you wouldn't freak.
- Before I knew you told the class brain. - Yeah, well...
I'm sorry, Matty. Maybe we're not the only ones in this boat.
- What boat? It's Anna Ross! - I know.
What did she say?
You know, I don't even know you, but even if I did,
what you're talking about is wrong.
- It's cheating. - It's a victimless crime.
OK. Hypothetical situation.
You're driving. It's late. You get to a red light in the middle of nowhere.
Do you run the light?
You see? You don't. You wait.
Because a victimless crime is still a crime. It isn't worth it.
Maybe it is. Maybe I run it. It depends.
On what?
Am I trying to get somewhere important?
- So she's in? - She said no.
Yeah, but she knows about it.
- You like this girl? - Matt...
No, if you're trying to get into her pants...
It wasn't like that. I just got the feeling...
Something just tells me she needs this as bad as we do.
OK. Something tells you just to walk up to Anna Ross
and invite her to break in to ETS to steal the answers to the SAT?
- Some inner voice signed off on this? - Yeah, it did, Matt.
- That is great, Kyle. - (THUMP)
Ow!
# I was gonna clean my room until I got high
# I was gonna get up and find the broom but then I got high... #
(NARRATOR) Hey, that's me.
# My room is still messed up and I know why, why man, yea hey
# 'Cause I got high, 'cause I got high 'cause I got high #
# Daddy, Daddy
# Expert in responsibility
# Where were you when I fell down and skinned my knee?
# Where were you when I was scared to go to sleep?
# Where were you to soothe my insecurities? #
Just because they keep getting younger doesn't mean you will.
# Where were you when I first learned to drive a car... #
Here she is. The game ran late, honey?
- Anna's the yearbook photographer. - A little.
This is Tom, an old friend, who might be able to help with Brown.
Hi, Anna. It's a pleasure to meet you.
Come on, honey. Sit down. Let me get that.
- It's just her camera gear. - Sweetheart.
So, great, great.
So, Anna, what are you interested in besides photography?
Tell him about the pledge drive you coordinated.
We asked students to sign a pledge to refrain from drug use...
- It was very successful. - That's great.
She's also involved in several other community-related projects...
(VOICES ECHO AND MERGE)
(KNOCKING)
Hey, kiddo. That went well.
- (HORN BEEPS) - I guess we won.
Yep, they did.
Your father and I have noticed the effort you've put in to this re-test.
- What if I mess it up again? - You won't.
You're gonna do great.
We're really proud of you, honey.
Hi, who's this?
Cleo. I think I dialled the wrong number, but you sound familiar.
What's your Thursday morning class?
ME lecture? Mine, too.
Yeah.
Listen, I won't keep you any longer.
Before you go, my room-mates and I are having this discussion.
Maybe you can help.
What's the lowest SAT score you've ever heard of anyone who's got into Brown?
Thanks.
- ETS has the entire top floor. - Can you get us up there?
Well, probably, but then what?
- We're not talking about a big heist. - (CAWING)
It's getting in, finding the answers, making a copy and getting out.
We just gotta think of the easiest way to do it.
- (CAWING) - (MIMICS CAWING)
- You've assembled a crack team (!) - What was I supposed to do?
He knows everything. He'd bust us.
So does Anna Ross, but she's not here.
- You told Anna Ross? - Yeah. He had a feeling about her.
Was the feeling anywhere near your crotch?
Hey, guys. I have an idea.
The mailroom services the building.
They hire a lot of guys straight out of high school.
They won't know you. Just act like you own the place.
- Easy for you to say. You do. - Wanna know what we're up against?
You'll be fine.
- Cornell still worth it? - Yeah.
- Sandy? - Yeah.
- Good. - 'Cause we're in it now.
Can I help you?
These are the new mailroom slaves. You guys forgot your badges.
Losers! Let's go. Pay attention.
- What are you doing here? - Other than bailing you out?
- How did you get in here? - I'm the ghost, man.
By the way, just so you know, mail pickup was this morning.
- Waiting till the last minute, huh? - Hey.
Take a look at that.
Nice. Thanks.
- You think you could help me with that? - Photography?
No, that.
- No, I can't. - Come on, Anna. For me?
You ever heard of the term "stereotype vulnerability"?
Some students do badly on the SAT because they know they're expected to.
I'll tell you something about that.
If you mess up on the SAT test, you gotta live with it.
If I do, I gotta read about it in "USA Today".
"Desmond Rhodes is a dumb-ass."
You know, just because I play ball,
teachers have been lettin' me slide through since forever.
I'm not trying to say it's their fault, 'cause it's not. I did what I did.
If there was some way I could just get around this thing...
It all means more to me now, that's all I'm trying to say.
Excuse me.
Who are you?
Who am I? Who are you?
This is my office.
Ah, yeah.
I'm from the mailroom.
Well, do you have something for me?
Yeah.
Well, could you give it to me?
Yes, I can.
Oops!
My bad. Let me get that for you.
Anything else I can do for you while I'm down here?
Hey, you.
- Copy room, right? - Right.
Great. I need two copies of this on rush.
One comes back to me, one to Ann Clark and the master to 510 for filing.
- Sure. - Great.
- What are you doing? - Casing the joint.
Thank you.
If we take it, they might get suspicious. They could change it by next Saturday.
Copy it.
Say hello to your future, Matty.
- Septic And Toilets. SAT. - Come on, man. It was a good run.
What run? There was no run.
Yeah, well, whatever it was, it's over.
Francesca was right. We were screwed.
Well, at least she didn't bring the cops.
Or maybe not.
If I wanted to do what we talked about...
...would you need to know why?
No, but I don't think it's gonna be possible now.
Oh.
Can I ask you something?
- Why'd you bail in your exam? - I didn't.
I saw your answer sheet. It was practically blank.
I was doing fine at first. Then I came to a story question.
(ANNA) A woman boards a train in New York at midnight.
Three hours later a man also boards.
For some reason, I couldn't get past it.
Where was this woman going? Why was she alone?
I know it probably sounds crazy, but it just hit home for me.
I... I wanted to be on that train and just be gone somewhere.
I guess I just froze.
When I got home, I realised how disappointed my parents would be.
I need to do great on this test.
Yeah. Well, like I said, it's...
- If it's money you want, we can pay you. - It's not money. It's...
We?
Yeah, there's someone else besides me.
Please, don't say no.
- No! What in the hell is wrong with you? - It's one more person.
It's Desmond Rhodes. Besides, I heard he was going pro.
He's not strong enough to be a four and not quick enough to be a three.
He's got no left hand and his mid-range game needs work.
I don't see it.
Anna Ross, that's bad enough, but do you know how high-profile Desmond is?
He wants in. Anna says he needs it and we can trust him.
"Anna says he needs it." What are we, a frickin' soup kitchen?
Which brings me to point number two. Last I heard we had no way of doing this.
I been thinking about that.
Hey. Was your father suspicious?
No. To be suspicious, he'd have to be interested.
There are security codes, too.
They gotta supply the building owner with a copy in case of an emergency.
- Yeah, I can get 'em. - OK.
- I will see you Tuesday.
OK. I'll see you Tuesday.
- Francesca. - Yeah?
- That bad, huh? - My father?
No, whatever. "Poor little rich girl" thing is a little played-out.
It's like the oldest story in the world, isn't it?
Not if it's your story.
- See you on Tuesday. - I will see you Tuesday.
Bye.
And sometimes it's that easy.
Shit happens. People join the cause.
You're moving towards something you didn't plan on approaching.
Only by the time you're aware of it, the plans of one become the plans of six.
And the plans of six become one.
- Hey. - (CELLPHONE)
We're eating.
- Yeah. - Bro, what's up?
- Who is this? - It's Roy.
From the SAT thing.
- How did you get this number? - I'm the ghost.
Give it to me.
- Who's calling, please? - Wha...?
It's... Roy.
Well, Roy, this is our dinner time. We don't interrupt your dinner time, do we?
Well, I don't have dinner time.
Well, that's a shame. Do you have some business with my son?
Well, I am at this time
assisting him in his SAT exam preparations.
And I was wondering
if he could possibly pick me up this evening,
as I am currently without transportation.
SAT? There's hope for you yet, Roy.
- Why don't you give me that address? - I appreciate that, ma'am.
And may I say...
...that you have an attractive voice.
It's very pleasant.
- Young-sounding. - The address, please?
4207 Triumph Street. With a T.
Triumph. All right. He'll be there.
Thank you, Roy.
Oh, God.
Be on time.
(GIGGLING)
Francesca, Tiffany. Tiffany, my daughter Francesca.
- Hi. - Peace.
Peace.
No. P-l-E-C-E.
She's just kidding.
(RO Y) Dog. Cool.
My socks.
(CAR STEREO: RAP MUSIC)
Sweet!
What school gave you this?
It's my uncle's ride, man.
Well, what school gave it to your uncle?
- Why you call yourself the ghost? - At school I hear things and I see things.
But nobody hears or sees me.
- You think? - I got your cell number, didn't I?
So?
You got mine?
- Ah-ha... - This fool is crazy.
- (MUSIC BLARES) - Don't touch my shit.
- Eight o'clock. - Your brother's not there?
Don't worry. We got the place to ourselves. He promised.
# See you later for the rush hour soul... #
Oh, shit.
That's my brother.
What's going on?
Sorry, bro. Hope it comes out.
- What's up? - You said we could have the place.
Was that supposed to be tonight? 'Cause tonight is wine-tasting Tuesday.
What's up?
- What's this? - Wine-tasting Tuesday.
Nice.
Look, Larry. You promised.
Yeah, I know. Maybe we can do it next Tuesday.
This is ETS.
This is so cute, this whole thing.
- I'm sorry. It was a misunderstanding. - What the hell is she typing?
- I'm just taking notes. - This is ETS.
- Who took that photo? - Anna took it.
Oh.
I'm not sure I'm comfortable with this.
You look comfortable in your Old Navy cotton pullover. You gotta get this look.
- Did I do something? - You got a 4.0 GPA.
Francesca, just stop it, all right?
Do you know what the fatal flaw is for most heists?
It's trusting the team. So I'd like to know why the valedictorian is here.
- I'm not the valedictorian. I'm second. - That explains everything (!)
Everyone has their reasons. We don't need to know.
I think we do. In "The Breakfast Club" they get stoned and make confessions.
Sweet.
Maybe we should all say exactly why we're here.
- Kyle said we wouldn't have to. - Well, I think we do. I'll start.
I'm here to make new friends. And for the wine, of course.
- How about you, superstar? - I'm here 'cause the SAT is racist.
- Well, that didn't take long, did it? - You don't think so?
Who created the test? Rich white guys. Who scores the highest?
Middle-class Asian girls who watch less than an hour of TV a day.
They can't drive, but they can take the shit out of the SAT.
Whatever. Why are you here?
I'm not smart enough, as opposed to this genius who's being screwed.
It's unfair to certain groups.
- Kiss-ass valedictorians. - I'm not the valedictorian.
- You're second. - Enough!
This is the floor plan of the regional ETS office.
This schedule tells us the specs of security cameras here, here and here.
- It's fruity and yet woody. - Roy, pay attention. Please.
Francesca has the codes to the locks and we know where the answers are...
(CELLPHONE)
- Yeah. - This thing hemp?
- This is never gonna work. - It'll be OK.
We're gonna be great. All-State's phone is ringing off the hook and...
Roy's trying to smoke Larry's comforter.
Roy! I'm serious. You're about outta here.
Shit. It's shit.
- You need some help with that? - No.
Not unless you can code Visual Basic.
(CELLPHONE)
- What did you do? - I don't know.
Some shit with the dynamic variables.
- So are we gonna do this? - We're gonna do this.
- Turn your phone off. - You got a problem with me?
- No, with anybody who puts us at risk. - Me? Fine. I don't need this shit.
- Anna, are you down with this? - Did you guys see Desmond on TV?
Playing for St John's?
He took 25 and 10 off North Carolina.
Matty, you saw it, right? You were at your apartment with Sandy in Maryland.
I missed it. I had a date.
But my room-mate at Brown said it was great.
It was. I saw the whole thing from my Cornell dorm room.
- Roy, you had money on it. - I hope you covered the spread.
We can do this. We can get where each one of us wants to go.
But we have got to trust each other.
You talk a good game, but I think your mom's gonna come in with snacks.
This is serious. Some of us have got a lot to lose.
- I think that we all have a lot to lose. - Fair enough. Hear me out.
Anyone who doesn't like the plan can walk.
OK. Right.
Friday afternoon Francesca will enter through the lobby.
The same as any other Friday.
Then she'll make appointments for me and Matty with her dad's firm.
What if he recognises you?
- He won't recognise me. - He might.
- (ALARM) - Down! Freeze!
Hands up!
He won't recognise me.
Once I'm in, Matty's gonna sign in and join us in Francesca's father's office.
- Where am I gonna be? - You're waiting in the woods nearby.
With that big-ass crow?
(CAWING) - (FAINT-HEARTED SCREAM)
Alone?
No, with Desmond and Anna.
Aah...
- Roy. - Yeah, baby. You feel that?
- Give it to me. - Who's your daddy now?
Maybe we should all go together.
We need you outside for when the night guard makes his rounds.
Their rotation isn't precise and we're using flashlights.
We watch out for the guards to make sure you cut 'em off.
Francesca's gonna ask the guard to disconnect the alarm on the rear door,
saying she has boxes to unload, something she's done in the past.
Hold it right there.
Matty and I have 20 seconds to get to the stairwell before the guard returns.
We'll take the stairs to the roof and wait for Francesca's key card.
From here we're almost home.
We get in, we get the answers and we get out.
Shortly after midnight, this is me.
25 minutes into Saturday morning and a whole lot closer to the rest of my life.
Who's gonna join me?
All right.
You smoke?
Makes kissing kinda nasty.
We won't be kissing, huh?
No, I was just...
Why are you here?
- I need the answers. - To join Sandy at Maryland.
What's so great about her? Aside from being smoke-free.
You wouldn't get it.
- Try me. - All right.
It's, like, I don't get the best grades. I'm not really great at anything.
But here was something that I was finally great at.
I was great at being with Sandy.
I could make her laugh. I could guess what she was thinking.
And it was just... great.
It was great.
And?
And I just can't wait to be great again.
(TV) We're here for the bank's money, not your money.
Think of your families. Don't risk your life.
Sit on the floor and put your hands on your head.
# All my life I've been searching for something
# Something never comes Never leads to nothing
# Nothing satisfies but I'm getting close
# Closer to the prize at the end of the rope #
(RO Y) And so the day arrived.
We had packed it, rolled it, smoked it.
Now it was time to ride the buzz.
# Hey, don't let it go to waste
# I love it but I hate the taste
# Weight keeping me down
# Hey, don't let it go to waste
# I love it but I hate the taste
# Weight keeping me down... #
- Yeah? - It's me.
Set your phone to vibrate. Call me back.
From here on we're gonna use redial. Tell Roy the same thing.
# Hey, don't let it go to waste... #
Thank you.
# I love it but I hate the taste
# Weight keeping me down
# Hey, don't let it go to waste
# I love it but I hate the taste
# Weight keeping me down #
Shit. I forgot the bolt-cutters.
- What? - Just kidding.
That's funny (!)
Here we go. Masks.
- Did you bring your floaties? - It's all I could find.
All right. We're here. The answers are here.
Keep your masks on till we get past the security cameras. Just in case.
Ah! Ow!
- You walk much? - My mask is fogged.
There's a camera around the corner. Stay low and tight to the wall.
What do we do if it sees us?
About three to six months and a lot of community service.
I'm not gonna look at your underwear.
Who says I'm wearing any?
Matty, are you OK?
I can't see...! I can't see through this stupid mask.
Just come forward.
Two o'clock.
- This way. - Where am I going?
Grab my hand.
- Thanks. - This way.
(BIRD AND ANIMAL SOUNDS)
- Nature calls. - Yeah, it's something, isn't it?
No. Nature calls.
Can I ask you a question?
Why do you smoke pot?
Something to do.
Why do you bite your fingernails?
- (SHE SIGHS) - (HE MIMICS HER)
This is it. Francesca.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present you with...
...a serious waste of time.
Why would you lock the door to this?
This was it.
Matty, I swear, this was it. The answers went to 510 for filing.
"Went to" doesn't help us now, does it?
I had the answers in my hands...
"One comes back to me."
Kyle... What?
- (WALKIE-TALKIE CRACKLES) - Shit!
- What are you doing? - Sh!
- You... - Who the hell was that?
Bernie, the night guard who hits on everybody.
- He's early. - Where were you going?
"One comes back to me."
The guy who sent me to copy the answers said, "One comes back to me."
- So you wanna call him at home? - I wanna find his office. 545.
Roy, what time do you have?
About that time.
Can you see the far side of the building from here?
(MANIC GIGGLE)
I'm gonna go see if I can get a better view.
Shit.
(STRAINS AND WHIMPERS)
My phone. My phone.
Oh... Shit.
Roy. Roy, the guard.
- There's a problem with my phone. - What problem?
Phone.
(LOW HUM)
- Yeah. - Shut off the lights.
(LOW HUM)
- Yes? - Sorry.
- All clear. - Tell Roy I'm kicking his ass.
Hey, I got it. It's office 545.
Hey. Maybe it's in here.
You know what this means.
(LOW HUM)
Hello?
It's for you.
Is it a chick?
- Hello. - Roy, we need your help.
Who is this?
It's Kyle, Roy.
(RING)
- Clyde's. - Dave, it's Matty.
- What's up, man? - I need some flowers delivered.
- Tell him roses. - Make it roses.
And you think you could hook me up with a bottle of champagne?
- Yeah, man, I think I could do that. - Nice. And I need a card signed.
From your secret admirer.
Here's the name and address.
(ANNA) If you could do anything with your life and money was no object,
what would you do?
(RO Y) Anything at all?
When I was a kid, I used to play this video game for hours.
Street Fighter II.
And I remember thinking, "People get paid to do this,
"to think up the game and to create the characters."
Like there's this one character, Blanka.
He's half-human and half-lizard, eats his opponents.
Well, he either zaps them with lightning or he bites their faces off.
- It's pretty cool, huh? - So you'd design video games.
No. I'd kinda like to be Blanka.
I was thinking someday I might wanna be an actor.
As opposed to solving world hunger or curing a terminal disease?
- See what I mean? - I would run a no-kill animal shelter.
Or... l'd just be a mom.
Not just a mother. I would be a real mom.
Who cared more about the title of parent than the one on her business card.
Or porn.
Hey, guys. Dave's here.
- When she opens the door, haul ass. - What do I do?
You wait here with me. They only need Roy.
Flash, you ready?
(COUGHING FIT)
You need to get off that bong.
- I'm here. - Wait. Not yet. Wait for me.
- Are you sure they just need Roy? - Just Roy.
Roy, get ready.
- You Bernie? - Yeah.
Delivery.
- Go. - Go.
Go.
Hell, no.
Shit.
# Come on, come on, come on... #
- Is he in? - What the hell was that?
Francesca, is he in?
- He's in. Plus two. - What?
Oh, man. Not steps.
(RO Y PANTS)
We think the answers are in here, but there's a password.
- Is this the guy? - Yeah.
Oh... erm...
(PLAYS A TUNE)
You're a filthy man, Arnie.
- What do they call this thing? - Verification master.
(COMPUTER BLEEPS)
"Mercer County SAT exam to be administered Fall 2004." Print one.
Print one. Let's get outta here.
(COMPUTER BLEEPS)
You need three other passwords and three other people to print.
Can't you figure it out?
Give me six months and the CIA mainframe.
- That was fun. - The exam's right here.
You just need the answers.
Exactly.
I get it. Come on, team. Makes perfect sense.
We'll take the test now so we can steal our own answers.
Then we'll take the real test with the answers we were afraid would be wrong.
It's nice. It's really nice.
- So who wants pancakes? - Guys, the exam's right here.
It's bigger than us one on one, but there's no way it'll beat six of us.
- Come on. - Just try this.
"If it takes 15 people 8 hours to make 100 items,
"how many hours will it take 6 people, working at the same rate,
"to make half as many items?"
(ANNA) 10?
- 10 hours? - D. 10.
She's second in the class.
"A 10-quart mixture consists by volume of 1 part juice to 9 parts water."
What lightweight's making this drink?
"If x quarts of juice and y quarts of water are added to make 27 quarts
"that consists by volume of 1 part juice to 2 parts water, what is the value of x?"
(ANNA) 9.
- C is 9. - No.
It says, "If x quarts of juice are added, what is the value of x?"
We already have one part juice, so 9 minus 1 equals x.
- 8. - Yeah.
- D is 8. - He's right. Sorry.
No, guys, don't be sorry. That's two down.
We could walk away, but what are we walking to?
I say we take a shot as a group.
- We can do this. - Unless we run out of time.
Can you access this from another computer?
- So long as it's in this office. - Done.
Someone's gotta take a crack at verbal. Francesca?
No. Me and words are not so goodly.
OK. Anna, you and I'll do verbal. Someone's gotta do math.
I'll do it.
- Are you sure? It could be... - Ever heard the term "Kiss my ass"?
Math doesn't scare me. You just take care of the verbal.
- Who's helping Des? - Well, I guess I can.
But only with quadratic equations,
coordinate geometry and algebraic visualisations.
- If you want. - Yeah.
Hasselhoff, it looks like you and me. We'll watch the lobby.
You don't have to wait there. The guard's not due for a couple of hours.
Sandy liked this blue colour.
True Berry Blue.
Not any more.
You said, "Liked." You said, "Sandy liked."
Likes. Whatever.
What's wrong? She doesn't call any more?
She calls.
Yeah, but not like before.
She's busy.
Matty, it's over.
It's never gonna be like the way it was.
Don't...
- You don't know anything about it. - I know it's not healthy.
And folding yourself up into a web page 'cause Daddy doesn't love you is?
I'm sorry. I didn't mean that.
Then why'd you say it?
Because she doesn't call any more.
Remember when you said you were great at being Sandy's boyfriend?
Well, you weren't.
That's nice. Why don't you rub it in...
You weren't great at being some girl's boyfriend, Matty.
You just found someone who let you be OK with yourself.
- x is to y... - As this shit is to boring.
What score do you need on the test?
- A 900. - And you're taking the math for us?
I was afraid of the verbal. I can ace the math and still not get 900.
- So why don't you go pro? - You don't know my mom, man.
She's all about college degrees. She works three jobs.
If I blow my knee out in college, all I got is credits.
If I blow my knee out in the NBA, I got a four-year guaranteed contract. Millions.
What does she say when you tell her that?
I can't.
- You just don't know my mom, man. - All 'cause you can't talk to your mom?
- Can you talk to yours? - My mom's dead.
But if she wasn't...
Yeah, I think I could talk to her.
Let me get in there. Here we go.
You know, a lot of people think these questions are difficult.
- Not me. - No?
No. These questions all have answers.
# One more game before you go
# We'll stay up late for one more show
# Grab the keys, we're going out We're leaving home
# And we won't come back again We're friends till the end
# We'll take on the world We just don't care at all #
- We good? - Yeah.
Let's get outta here.
(RO Y GRUNTS)
- Roy, what's in your bag? - Nothing.
I needed some school supplies.
- Roy, you can't take this stuff. - Why not?
If anything's missing, Francesca's gonna get busted.
- Why did you take the guy's photo? - The wife is hot. Look.
- I'll help him take it back. - We'll wait here.
Anna and I'll be on the roof.
Uh!
I can't believe it. This is so awesome!
You got your answers.
Yeah, that too, but it's all of it.
We did it.
- Oh! - Sh!
We haven't done anything yet. What's going on with you?
I don't know. I'm having fun, I guess.
I know how people see me.
Like one of those perfect girls that everything always works out for.
I just always wanted to punch one of them in the face.
I'm not a robot. I just haven't done very much... yet.
There's a lot of stuff I haven't done, too.
Yeah, but I've never really done anything.
I mean, I've never broken curfew and I've never cut class
and I've never... made out on a rooftop.
# If you're ready for love, then
# This I will bring
# But I'm not gonna wait for you forever... #
(BANG)
Shit!
- What happened? - Someone's here.
- Shit. - Grab my hand. I'll pull you up.
Francesca first. Hold on.
- (PANTING) - (WALKIE-TALKIE CRACKLES)
- What's wrong? - Francesca's not gonna make it.
- We gotta go. - We're not gonna leave her like this.
- We don't have a choice. - No.
- I'll go. - Rhodes, you're gonna get screwed.
- Francesca knew the risk. So did you. - He's right. Come on.
- Come on. - This shit is messed up.
Come on.
Come on, Roy.
(RO Y STRAINS)
Aa-aa-ah...!
Matty.
Matty, come on.
I'm good.
What? Matty, come on. Give me your hand.
- I'm good, Kyle. - Matt. What about Sandy?
What about her?
This one's on me.
(GUARD) Hold it right there. Get your hands up.
Kyle, we gotta go.
- I can't do this. Guys, I can't do this. - Kyle. It's done.
We use the key card to get out. Desmond and Roy go right. We go left.
Meet at the car. I'll bring copies of this in the morning.
# Running faster through the trees
# Feeling nothing underneath
# Your eyes are opened wide
# Let it come in
# Looking for the laughter show
# Is it out there any more?
# Your head is lifting up
# To see how far to run
# And you're feeling who you are
# And you don't care who it is
# How do you feel?
# And you're barely wonderful
# And you don't care if it hurts
# How do you feel?
# It's the last way out of here
# Oh...
# When all your walls are down
# There's love
# And you're feeling who you are
# And you don't care who it is
# And you're barely wonderful
# It's the last thing that you think
# And you're feeling who you are
# And you don't care if it hurts
# And you're feeling love That you can't hang on
# It's the last way It's the last way
# Stop to think When all your walls are down
# When all your walls are down
# Then there's love
# It's the last way out of here #
So how did it go?
- Don't you sleep? - Not tonight.
What happened to you, kid?
What happened to me? What happened to you, Larry?
You were supposed to be my big brother.
- What am I now, the walking dead? - Pretty much. I mean...
- How do you think Mom and Dad feel? - How do you think they feel?
- I don't know. Not good, probably. - Let me ask you a question.
Which do you prefer: the son who lives above the garage
or the son who cheats his way into college?
Next time you pull off a heist, don't leave your plans in my bed, idiot!
Matty got arrested.
So what do you think, fair trade?
I think that's a shitty thing to ask.
At least you're starting to sound like my little brother.
Maybe it's in there somewhere.
Is there anything you don't know?
There's plenty I don't know.
But I will tell you something that you don't know.
Did you know that every Christmas after you go to bed,
Dad, Mom and I sit up and we talk about how proud we are of you?
How great it is to see this kid, this whole future in front of him,
and how he deserves that,
'cause he's a good guy and he does the right thing.
Every Christmas for how long?
I don't know. Ten years or somethin'.
You don't think I would have liked to sit up with you?
Yeah, but you'd just stress us out.
Night, little brother.
- Word of advice. - Why not?
Never take advice from anyone who lives above a garage.
("SPACED-OUT" MUSIC)
How long since your mother passed, baby?
Nine years ago. I was eight.
That's a shame.
My son tells me you encouraged him to talk to me.
You're a smart boy, Roy. So why are you doing a stupid thing like drugs?
- Mm? - Uh...
Something to do.
"Something to do."
You know how they say, "Thank the Lord my mother's not alive to see this"?
No.
Somebody's mother is, and I am not happy with this.
I'm... sorry.
You get yourself a shower and some clean clothes. We'll wait.
Fix you some breakfast before the exam. OK?
I've been thinking about that, Mrs... Desmond's mom.
I'm not taking that exam.
I mean, let's face it, I'm not going to college.
See, and even if I did,
I'd just be taking the place of someone
that really wanted to be there more than me.
You're a smart boy, Roy.
But, baby, there's a whole lot of dumb dribbling out of your mouth right now.
Now, did you hear what I said about a shower and clean clothes?
Yes, ma'am.
You'll find I don't like to repeat myself.
- Get your ass up! - Yes, ma'am.
Not everybody can pull it off, but the dashing criminal thing looks good on you.
Wait till you smell it.
You know what I was thinking in there? I need to work on being alone.
# Just so I know
# Just so we know we're together
# If I can look in your eyes
# And see what I feel... #
Or not.
# And I know we're together... #
Anyone ever tell you you're a hell of a kisser?
Not as good as my cellmate Ramón, but it's not bad.
- What about the exam? - Here's the thing.
Once you've spent the night in jail with the worst version of who you could be,
the SAT ain't nothing.
How about you? You gonna be all right?
Yeah. I think it's gonna be a nice day.
# We rub each other's creases and line up each other's angles
# And we choose the brightest papers
# And we fly... #
Sick And Twisted. SAT.
Secretly A Tease.
I completely have lost touch with who you are.
Unacceptable. You're out all night doing God knows what with God knows whom.
Jeopardising everything we've worked for on the eve of the biggest day of your life.
This is the real world. Remember that.
You feel pressured, you deal with it. You do not stay out all night.
Do you hear me? This is your last chance to get into Brown.
You know what? That reminds me. I'm not going to Brown.
Now you deal with it.
(DOOR BANGS)
Wow! Check you out.
I just told my mom I'm not going to Brown.
- The guys at Brown'll be disappointed. - The girls at Brown'll be disappointed.
- So where are you gonna go? - I don't know.
Europe, maybe. Then college.
(DOOR SQUEAKS OPEN)
What's up?
- Nah. - Really?
I already nailed the math and, plus, you don't know my mom.
- Roy? - Shit, man. You don't know D's mom.
I wanted to go back and get you, but Kyle said screw you.
- Oh, yeah? - You look like a slut.
- I like it. - Thank you.
- I'm sorry, man. - Shut up. Don't be.
Besides, it's not that bad.
(RO Y) Hah...!
- No, I don't need 'em. - Come on, man. Take them.
I'm serious. I took the test. I'm not taking it again.
- You got arrested. - Hey.
- Unbelievable. Francesca? - No.
- Guys, what is this? - I wasn't in it for the answers.
- Besides, I got a 1460 last semester. - You didn't tell us that.
You didn't ask.
- Wait. Are you out, too? - Do I look like I need the answers?
You look like you need a pimp.
After all of this, nobody's gonna even use these answers?
You are, aren't you?
- No. - Kyle, this is your dream, man.
Yeah, it is, but if they wanna put a number on that, then to hell with them.
I know who I am.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
When did you have this little moment of clarity?
The same time my jackass best friend got arrested.
So all this was for nothing?
I wouldn't call this nothing.
Man, screw this!
# La da da da da da La da daaa
# La da da da, la da da da La da daaa #
(TEACHER) You have 30 minutes.
(RAY) OK, so I didn't cheat on the test,
but no way was I gonna let those answers go to waste.
Next year at Harvard, SAT stands for Stoned And Toasted.
Speaking of college, Desmond kicked ass on the re-test
and decided to play ball at St John's University.
His mom was happy and, trust me, you want D's mom happy.
Matty survived probation and some serious community service.
He once told me that he might like to be an actor.
If not, then just happy.
He's working on both.
Francesca sold her first novel.
It's about six kids who conspire to steal the SAT answers.
If they make a movie out of it, I wonder who'll play me?
He'd better be hung like a horse.
Kyle did fine on his exam. Anna crushed him.
He's at Syracuse now, where his dream of becoming an architect is still alive.
Anna went off to Europe
and eventually found her way to college on her own terms.
Every other weekend in New York when a woman boards a train at midnight
and a man boards that same train,
now we know what happens.
Life happens, romance, adventure.
The stuff you won't find on a test.
I had the highest score in the county,
but that didn't exactly offset my 0.0 GPA.
Eventually, I was forced, I mean encouraged, to get my GED.
I still spend most of my time on video games.
In fact, the number one selling game last year was created by me.
That's right, baby. Standardise this!
# Here in this diary
# I write you visions of my summer
# It was the best I ever had
# There were choruses and sing-alongs
# And not a spoken feeling
# I'm knowing that right now is all that matters
# All the nights we stayed up talking
# Listening to '80s' songs
# And quoting lines from all those movies that we love
# It still brings a smile to my face
# I guess when it comes down to it
# Being grown up
# Isn't half as fun as growing up
# These are the best days of our lives
# The only thing that matters
# Is just following your heart
# And eventually, you'll finally get it right
# Being grown up
# Isn't half as fun as growing up
# These are the best days of our lives
# The only thing that matters
# Is just following your heart
# And eventually, you'll finally get it right #
# Ayo ladadayo
# Ladeeda
# Sometimes I give in to sadness
# Sometimes I don't
# Dedereo
# Haaaa aa
# At times I'm part of the madness
# Sometimes I won't give in to you
# You see in a way
# I've been drifting down a river to nowhere
# And you've given me nothing
# But if you're ready to be
# My everything
# If you're ready to see it through this time
# And if you're ready for love, then
# This I will bring
# But I'm not gonna wait for you forever this time
# Ladeeda ayo
# Ladadayo ladeeda
# What's with that guilt that you styling baby
# Talk... don't look good on you
# You see in a way I have been looking
# For a reason to go there
# And you're leading me nowhere
# And if you're ready to be
# My everything
# If you're ready to see it through this time
# And if you're ready for love, then
# This I will bring
# But I'm not gonna wait for you forever this time
# Ladeeda ayo
# Ladadayo ladeeda
# Are you waiting for a special occasion
# To give me your heart?
# 'Cause I need a little confirmation
# To make a real start
# Don't wait till it's too late Are you ready to show me?
# Are you ready to love me?
# You see in a way
# I've been drifting down a river to nowhere
# And you're giving me nothing
# And if you're ready to be
# My everything
# And if you're ready for love, then
# This I will bring
# But I'm not gonna wait for you forever this time
# If you're ready for love If you're ready for love
# Then baby, this I will bring
# But I'm not gonna wait forever this time... #